i could wait all day for you. i do. i wait months. i try to reassure and reassure but you won't take it. It is as if we are children again playing badminton and you won't volley the ball over the net out of some sense of precocious pride and you being you, will sulk and pout a while until we can make it up, make love with the sound of the cool spring rain slapping hard against the windows of the loft. The loft.

The loft with the big mirror you like, where you are now. I can see you there, imagine you there, lying on the bed with a book perhaps, one light on as the sounds the city come in through the window, as you allow yourself those few cigarettes (stress you say, but really, you just like it).

So you ar reading and trying to forget about all of this, about us. Are you trying to undo all that has been done or are you thinking of leaving us, me, in the past or present past -? We said since childhood we would never split. No matter what, we were blood - cosanguinous - and nothing could come between we two cousins, no matter how "unnaturally close" they thought us. Nothing. Ifwe could not marry, that was okay, but we would still see each other. And we do and it is all that is good and right and not some cheap affair, likely because it has been going on for as long as you or I can remember - i don't remember a time when it was not you. When i was not in love with you. It is a blur of hazy days in the orchard, lazy days with you, days of summer idleness and being with you - you're angry and i don't even know why and it scares me. IT scares me because i know you and i know you - i know you'd not want to go and i know that if you did not feel my love, you would go... and these days, you tell me how i do not love you. YOu are certain of this, unequivocal. You are wrong. So very, very wrong.

Do you hear me? I am playing for you a song, Bach, Partita No. 2 in g. major - i call out to you -- echo back. This distance is too far.

~ Asa.